The Naivety of Terror

In just over a year, I have had one near miss and, I don’t know what to call it exactly, but a close encounter will have to do. The Hoboken train crash and the West Side Highway attack. 

Both times, I don’t realize how scary the situation was until later. 

For Hoboken, it wasn’t until my best friend’s mom contacted me to make sure I was okay, and said, “I know she hasn’t seen anything about it yet, but I didn’t want to tell her just in case... “ and then I realized that, at that time, what could have possibly happened. I immediately started crying, to my dismay and embarrassment. We still weren’t sure what had happened. The possibility of a terror attack had been thrown around briefly. I was a mere five minutes ahead of that train. My PATH train had just pulled away as the train crashed into the barrier and up onto the platform, then through the historic station.

For the West Side Highway attack, it was right under the bridge my coworkers used to use (before I joined the company) to get to Brookfield Place, the place I hit up most often when I have to buy lunch. The attack site was about a nine minute walk from my building. And yet, even though I recognized the streets, even though the first thing I read about was a shooter, not a vehicle, and even though I heard numerous sirens from 3 pm until the moment I left, I didn’t think to be scared. When my phone startd buzzing with multiple incoming texts, I ignored it because I was working. Finally, I saw my mom called and realized, oh, shit, she must have gotten a notification because she tracks New York news. It still didn’t register that the news was being broadcast all across Twitter, or that there was a safety check on Facebook, and that all that buzzing had been multiple friends trying to check on my boyfriend and me. Even then, I knew it was only a few blocks away, but my brain didn’t register, You’ve could’ve been heading to or from Chop’t today. It wasn’t until I stepped outside the doors of my building that I got a chill. And then, when I stepped into the Oculus, I had a small moment of panic, What if that was just the first attack? What if their next target is bigger? 

I didn’t think about it because it was yet another possible terror attack or shooting in a matter of weeks. Yet another attempt to scare innocent people. It’s not a rarity, it’s something I’m used to seeing in the news, something we’re desensitized to. We had an active shooter scare just a few weeks ago at the nearby Pace University. A company-wide email advised us to stay inside until we knew more and we all went about our responsibilities. It ended up being poor fashion choice and that was it, scare over in less than an hour. But that stays with you. So the next time you hear reports of a shooter or a terror attack, you might think, Yeah, right, or God, another one? Already? Either way, it’s nothing new.

On one hand, I’m proud that my immediate reaction isn’t terror. On the other hand, that scares me. Because am I that naive and that selfish as to think it’ll never happen to me? No one ever thinks it will happen to them. Until it does.

Side note: I’m sitting on a train coming from Hoboken, after a year of driving instead, as I type this.