A Man Tried to Grope Me On My Way to Work

Monday morning, I was walking down the stairs to the subway to get to work and a creepy-looking man wearing sunglasses reached out to grab my crotch and said something along the lines of “Let me get some of that.” I reared away and was so taken aback and shocked (it was 8:30 am) that all I said was “Jesus!” And he was gone. I was flowed down the remaining steps by the crowd and I don’t even think any of my fellow commuters noticed anything.

I immediately texted my boyfriend and friend and they were awesome, but I still spent the next couple hours feeling...”icky” and like I wanted to shower. I was mad at myself for not yelling and making a scene. For not calling that disgusting specimen out and getting him in trouble. I felt I hadn’t done enough.  But what is “enough” in a public incident like this, where it may be just a fleeting moment, created by a stranger you’ll hopefully never see again?

I’ve been catcalled from across the street, heckled by men telling me to “come back, baby” and called a bitch after not acknowledging said catcallers. After each incident, I would berate myself for not saying something clever to shut them up or, at least, make them feel ashamed. But when a man is calling you a bitch for simply going about your business or yelling at you from across the street to come over to them, it’s fucking scary. Those men seem unstable because who the fuck yells at a stranger across a busy New York street and expects them to waltz on over ready to hang out?? And to all the guys who expect me to say thank you after these “compliments?” Go fuck yourself. I just want to walk down the goddamn street to pick up lunch and enjoy the minuscule time I’m spending outside my office. I don’t want to be forced to baby some strange man’s feelings or respond to unwanted commentary. 

I should never feel bad about my own responses after these encounters. No woman should. It’s not our fault, we didn’t ask for it (and, yeah, we COULD be walking down the street naked and STILL not be asking for it) and we shouldn’t blame ourselves for any part of it. This was the most up-close and personal public incident I’ve ever experienced and I never want it to happen again, but I’m not going to dwell on it because that piece of shit isn’t worth my time, my concern or even a thought from me.

Women shouldn’t have to be afraid of walking to lunch or commuting to work. But until things change, they should NEVER feel the need to blame themselves.